It’s been a week. I got some commissions done, spent some time with my friends, my mom, and my kids. I feel blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. At Sally’s on Saturday I tried on her boyfriends jacket and pretended to be tough…we both decided it didn’t suit me well. hahaha. Abby’s favorite bike at the store is so perfect and I love her sense of style so much.
The December photo-a-day is nearly complete, and has been challenging and an amazing way to reflect on where I am and what I’m doing, and to really look at the world around me.
21/31 Something Green
I really don’t know why I did it. I remember it was right before Spring Break, and it looked like something fun to do. I thought the girls would be into it, which is always a plus, and anything I could do with the girls as well as impress my friends…you bet I was going to do it.
That was three years and thousands of perler beads ago.
22/31 makes me feel merry
I’ll be honest I’m struggling with this one today. It’s an easy enough topic on the surface…and a lot of things make me happy, but merry? Merry is kind of next level and I’m just not feeling it today. It would be just fluff and lies.
What comes closest though is my friends, my kids, my collaborators, my circle of trust. They’re worthy of the effort of merriment always, and make me laugh the loudest and longest.
My studio is cold, and so is my bedroom. Which means that I can count on being cold most of the day. So I tend to layer clothes together.
Today I got to thinking about those layers as I was going through my clothes chest. How I was the only person who would ever see what was on the bottom layer, but that somehow it still mattered WHAT was on the bottom layer…yes, these are the things I think about when I’m picking out my clothes. And then I intentionally put my socks in the middle of the pile so that I don’t put them on right after my underpants.
Why did it matter whether I wore my black “Hobomancer” shirt instead of the black “out of this world dad” dad one? Or the white M80s shirt with a red collar instead of the blue “Make America Skate Again” with a white collar? Because, I could CHOOSE to show my daughter that I was wearing the shirt that she bought me, or the people who are close to me may recognize which shirt I was drawn to that morning. The things that matter most are seen by the people who matter most.
Even our unseen choices matter. Including whether or not you’re wearing those red underpants that make you feel special for no reason. Grin
More me a lot of the joy I get from art making is the actual making, and most of the rest is in the giving. Sometimes the gift isn’t obvious. .
I’m really excited about giving this to my best friend. It’s the result of nearly a years worth of work.
I’m not often out of the house in the morning. Working from home has meant that I’m able to be there when the kids get on the bus, and when they get off of it. I can work in the studio from literally the minute they leave until just before they get home. The house gets cleaned, I can go for a walk…my time has been my own for so long that it’s come to feel like a non-negotiable.
The downside to that is that I can never really leave my work at work…and I can’t always leave my home at home. All the while, I don’t make enough, steadily enough to not worry. So it’s time to re-evaluate my non-negotiables and start looking for a permanent position somewhere.
It’s scary. I don’t know if I’m ready, but who does, right? It’s a leap of faith and time to take that step.
I like doing my correspondence and writing in the morning, before my mind is full of other thoughts and worries. There’s a clearer and cleaner line between my thoughts and my pen. Fewer distractions in the world. It’s just me and the words.
At the beginning of the day, I tend towards being contemplative, thinking about what I’ll be doing during the day…there’s nothing but potential. Towards the end of the day as I wind down, I tend towards being reflective, as my thoughts turn inward.
I’ve been really enjoying these little moments of stopping for a photo and story this month.
27/31 Free Choice
Sometimes things just suck. Sometimes I feel like a terrible person, and sometimes that’s for doing the thing that I think is right. And sometimes that choice effects other people. And it’s hard. And it sucks. And I feel awful.
It’s my story though. I own it.
I can choose to withdraw into myself. To sleep, and let this feeling sleep with me, or I can choose to see it for what it is, recognize it, and let it pass.
This is the last post of the year. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to 2019. Until next year then, take care and be good.