Intimidation and Investment

What’s something that intimidates you that you want to get better at?

There are a lot of things in my life that feel like standing on the coping at the edge of a bowl and looking down at a four foot drop before hitting the curve of the transition to flat ground.All it would take is a step. Just one step out into the void, trusting that my balance and momentum would catch me and deliver me safely. Just one step, and I’d be moving. That fear of leaving the safe, flat ground to either go fast and smoothly forward or crashing hard at the bottom of the ramp stops me more often than I like to admit.


The thing that intimidates me most it reaching out, past where I am, to something more. Applying for scholarships, grants and residencies. Sending portfolios to publishers and agents. Even accepting freelance jobs sometimes. NOT getting the job, or the grant isn’t what intimidates me though. I can accept that loss, and use it to adjust for next time. What I think I’m scared of, intimidated by is getting it, and then FAILING. Letting everyone down. Letting myself down…So, I talk myself into waiting until next year. When I have more experience, more skill, and more credibility. Getting better at facing that personal intimidation is something I want to get better at.

Investing in ourselves

It’s easy to think of what we’d like to change, it seems hard to think about how to change. Something that I’ve discovered over the past couple of years is that change starts small. That’s true both on a personal level and a global level. It has to start somewhere, and tends to domino as long as there’s forward motion.

Our futures are worth investing in, and I’m so thankful for my friends and family, and for you all for being there with your support and encouragement. I started this current sketchbook with the goal of drawing many things, and learning to draw them quickly and accurately. When I started the hundred day project back in April, it began taking on a life of it’s own. It became a collaborative project with my best friend, a running interview with story elements as we talked about random thoughts and things that were important to me. It became a place where I could easily look at a massive amount of quick growth and confidence. A place that I can look when I feel like I’m not capable and say, “this is good work, done quickly and with confidence.” It’s okay to approach big changes in small ways. It takes longer, but folds into my whole life easier.

Speaking of changes. I’m so proud of my girls this week. Olive is so funny and energetic. She wears her heart on her sleeve but is starting to recognize how to use those emotions honestly and lovingly. It’s something she struggles with and takes so much love and patience to talk her through her anger and frustration. The investment is worth it though.

Abby’s running for student council. Her speech is kind of amazing and talks about her desire to help others be their best selves, and her love of learning and helping her community. She’s doing the things I wish I’d done when I was her age, and it makes me smile so much. Can you imagine having found your people and really started finding yourself at 10?

This time next week, I’ll have my cast off, and a BUNCH of new drawings to show you. Until then, take care and be good!

Your friend,

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